Hai gaiz

I'm taking time off DA for a bit, because I REALLY need to get my act together about a lot of things, and I need minimal distraction (gawd, so pretentious)

I'll be back soon. Maybe I'll drop in every now and then, in which case I should get slapped, as this shows weakness of will >:C


I'll leave you with this. Evidence of a) how much I've grown to like Lord of the Flies and b) how terribly, terribly sad I am.


THE CHARACTERS

1) Ralph
2) Piggy
3) Jack
4) Simon
5) Roger
6) Maurice
7) Sam
8) Eric


1) Maurice, Sam, and Eric all go out to dinner, where do they go, what do they eat, and who pays?
They go and get fish and chips (they are little boys, after all)
Maurice: who's got money?
Samneric: ...
Maurice: 'kay let's leggit.

2) Maurice and Ralph go on a date, where do they go, how does it go?
It's not going to be a date because that's creepy and wrong. Instead they play marbles together. With pebbles.
Maurice: haha i'm totally winning
Ralph: hey, that was my best pebble.
Jack: Maurice you bastard he's the enemy, what are you doing??
Maurice: uh...um....please don't kill me.

3) Simon and Roger have a daughter, what’s her name, what is she like?
NO COMMENT D:

4) Piggy has an embarrassing question for Ralph, what is it about?
Piggy: Raaalph...
Ralph: ...What?
Piggy: Do you...do you think I'm fat?
Ralph: ah...heh heh...um...well...It depends how you define fat....
Jack: Yes.
Piggy: you're so mean.
Ralph: bugger off to your own questions.

5) Simon and Roger are arguing, what is it about?
Simon: You musn't throw rocks, it's mean
Roger: you shut up or I'll bash you
Simon: Okay. -shuts up-

(some argument)


6) You ask Sam what the best movie they ever saw was, what is their answer?
Samneric: we don't watch movies

Do you guys have to answer everything in unison?

Samneric: Yeah.

7) If Jack was deathly ill, how does Piggy react, what does Jack have to say to Piggy?
Jack's lying in his sickbed and Piggy takes the opportunity to pester him
Piggy: ...and another thing, Jack Merridew, you can't call me Fatty just cos I ain't as thin as the rest of you. It's rude, and my auntie says...
Jack: Oh god make it STOP.
Piggy: And you shut up, you. I got the conch, I get to speak
Jack: You are so dead when I recover.

8) Ralph gets into a fight, where was it, who was it with, and who won?
With Jack. DUH.

9) Who would make a better teacher, Sam or Simon?
Simon would be a really good teacher, if only people would listen to him.
Simon: Ralph, you gotta calm down and be sensible.
Ralph: ADKFHJAS I BEEN ON THIS ISLAND THREE MONTHS I IS GOING CRAZY

Simon: Jack, you gotta calm down too, before you hurt somone
Jack: IT'S THE BEAST KILL HIM
Ralph: ...that was pretty nasty.

10) Ralph and Eric are on a quest for something, what is it?
Ralph: M'kay Eric, we gotta go steal those stupid glasses back from Jack. Okay?
Eric: Where's Sam?
Ralph: Eh, I got sick of you two talking at the same time, so I tied him to a tree.
Eric: You suck.

11) Eric and Piggy have an agreement, who is the brain and who is the brawn? What do they achieve?
Piggy: Okay Eric, I'll be doing all the thinking in this operation.
Eric: But I can't lift heavy stuff
Piggy: That doesn't matter. Just get Eric to help you.
Eric: I am Eric.
Piggy: What? Where's Sam?
Eric: tied to a tree
Piggy: okay, new plan. Let's go...let's go burn the tree down.

12) Jack must work for Maurice, what do they have to do?
This only works the other way around.
Jack: Maurice, take the spear
Maurice: Why?
Jack: Don't ask stupid questions, take the effing spear.
Maurice: But I don't wanna go hunting
Jack: tough, you're coming.
Maurice: I'm vegetarian.
Jack: it's a fine time to think of that.

13) What can Roger do to scare Eric?
A good deal. Roger is SCARY.
Roger: Tell me where Ralph is or Sam gets it
Eric: nuu, don't hurt him. I'll tell you.
Roger: and stop snivelling or I'll bash you with a pointy rock. hard.

14) What would happen in a fan fiction where Ralph kidnaps Eric, Sam and Simon team up to get him back, and Jack has stolen something very precious from Piggy?
Sam: SIMON RALPH'S GONE MAD HE'S STOLEN ERIC
Simon: oh snap let's go save him
Sam: that's a good idea, you're so smart Simon

MEANWHILE

Piggy: holy buttcrack the conch is gone
Jack: you know it fatty -waves conch-
Piggy: RALPH, RALPH, JACK'S NICKED THE CONCH
...
Piggy: ...ralph?
Ralph: Shh! I'm hiding from Sam and Simon!
Jack: why are you sitting on Eric?
Ralph: oh go away

15) Who does Eric choose to help him, Piggy, Roger, or Maurice?
Eric: guys i'm trying to build a shelter and it won't stay up
Piggy: sorry. asthma.
Roger: I'll help -leer-
Eric: NO ITS OKAY I'M GOOD NOW
Maurice: meh....maybe later.

16) Jack has a great idea to cheer up Simon, what is it?
Jack: Hey...hey Simon, check this out...-waves pig head on a stick- I'M THE LORD OF THE FLIES LOL
Simon: uuuuhhhhh......bleauuuuugh.....-passes out-
Ralph: great, you killed him. (again)
Jack: oh be quiet.

17) Why is Piggy mad at Eric?
Piggy: WHY DID YOU DRAW ON THE CONCH YOU PRAT
Eric: its was Sam's idea, and it looks funny
Piggy: No it doesn't it looks like a mini-hitler.

18) Ralph walks in on Jack and Roger making out, what happens next?
Ralph wakes up, hopefully.
Ralph: what a horrible nightmare
Jack: what nightmare
Ralph: uhhhh...yeah, never mind
Roger: is it one where you die
Ralph: not exactly.

19) Roger needs a place to crash (LOL PLANE CRASH) for a few days, who do they stay with, Sam or Eric?
Both, since they're practically one being anyway
Roger: hi guys
Samneric: RUN AWAAAAAAAAY
Roger: well shit.

20) If Maurice had to who would they entrust with their safety, Piggy, Jack, or Simon?
Maurice: hmm....

Piggy: sorry, can't help. Asthma.

Jack: look maurice, join me and you'll be safe forever. also I may brutally beat you and force you to commit murder once in a while, but it's no biggie, honest.

Simon: don't be scared of the beast maurice. Incidentally, I may be really smart and totally adorable, but I'm pathetically weak and stood no chance against a gang of psycho murderers. -looks pointedly at Jack-

Maurice: this choice sucks, man.


END